Innocence and Interpretations

If I were to look at you and say, "hey! You have beautiful eyes, such wonderful hair and oh, the most beautiful nose I have ever seen... but what happened with your chin? It looks a little crooked!" When you go back home and look in the mirror, the first thing you will look at is - of course - your chin! No attention might go to the hair, eyes or nose :) Right? Similarly, if one were to say to someone "I love you," the response (if not out lond, then in the mind) might often be "really?" but if one were to go to another and say "I hate you!" no one in their "right" mind would ask "really?" This is (another) one the first things I heard in the Art of Living - one of the several insights into the way the human mind is. It tends to cling to the negative. We often readily believe the worse and negative things (about people for example) and ignore or disbelieve the good or positive. (We do this also with ourselves - we doubt our abilities but never doubt our (perceived) inabilities!) This happens a lot more when we have low prana (energy). This simple piece of knowledge from Sri Sri has (among several other pieces of knowledge), always intrigued me. In my short life so far, I have also experienced the truth in, and nuances of, this knowledge through various experiences, brought to me with love by the universe. :) Also very recently in a party-meeting organised by some of my dearest friends in Munich.

We were supposed to discuss the schedule and various other things for the Munich Art of Living Yoga Oase during this party. Having recently discovered that the several stones that were found in my gallbladder a few months ago had miraculously disappeared, and I didn't need surgery, I was really excited to attend this party-meeting (which I would otherwise have had to miss, and instead be in the hospital post-op). As happens when one feels happy and grateful, I had a surge of energy and bundles of ideas which I wanted to implement or discuss asap. So I wrote out several emails to my friends (the other AoL teachers and volunteers in Munich who were coming to the meeting) and also prepared a detailed "agenda" for the meeting, logically laying down all the things that people had mentioned in various emails as "needing discussion" and even designing a "follow up action" page within this agenda. As I said, I was very excited :D (and looking forward to make several "important" contributions to the meeting.)

As the day progressed, my enthusiasm grew more and I even decided to make an elaborate lasagna for the party so that my host friend could have some help. Come evening, I half made the lasagna (we were running late and I thought I'll just use the oven in the host's house to bake it), got everything I had planned for the meeting together (prints of the agenda, my laptop with various draft plans etc. etc.), and piled into the car with my husband and baby hoping to reach the party on time!

As soon as we reached the party however, things started going slightly different from my plan. Meera woke up and started crying really loudly (she wanted her dinner and her own bed). The others were already there so my now using our host's oven to bake the lasagna was going to delay everyone's dinner, my husband (the sensitive soul that he is), started getting stressed seeing Meera's discomfort and thanks to all the chaos, the start of the discussions was getting delayed. With each unexpected "catastrophe," my prana level came down another notch.

Perhaps for a good hearty long lasting laugh (at my expense of course), the heavens decided to torment my already tormented mind a little more: I was busy trying to get my sweet angel baby to go to sleep when I heard one of the guests (another good friend) say "where is our chairperson?" Another one said "you mean Mrinalini? She is feeding the baby." My mind being in the state that it was, got highly agitated and immediately started interpreting the conversation in the worse possible way: "They are being sarcastic and making fun of me! Maybe I was a little (too) enthusiastic and in the process killed everyone else's enthusiasm?" To add some more spice to my boiling mind, the host (a really sweet and innocent person if you ask for my honest opinion on days that I am more centered) peeked into the room where I was and asked very sweetly "What would you like us to discuss?" My mind and heart, were, by this time, nothing short of devastated. After calmly responding "What ever you guys want to", I (mentally) dove right back into the negative thoughts chain: "So what
if I was a little (too) enthusiastic? Why do they have to be such wet blankets? I was only trying to be helpful. None of them were organised enough to make a proper agenda, so why beat up poor me for doing the secretarial work? I should just focus on my PhD and not get involved with people who don't really need my enthusiasm...." and so went my mind on and on and on.

Finally, I decided to put a break to the negative thought chain and take a deep breath. Immediately, I remembered a short piece of knowledge that Sri Sri had shared during a recent satsang: A person had asked a questions which in substance was as follows: "Guruji, I have many creative ideas, but I don't know if I should implement them because I am not sure if they will be successful." Guruji said: "You know, when you deliver a baby, there are labour pains. You cannot say that you want to have a baby, but don't want the labour pains. So if you want to implement an idea, be willing to go through some resistance." Remembering this piece of knowledge, I sprang out of the room fully willing to face all sarcastic comments but putting forth my ideas anyways. But there was still some resistance in me. I was hesitant and a voice in me also said... dont push too much, they will not like it. So I decided not to get the beautifully organised "agenda sheet" and lap top out of my bag and instead just go with the flow.

The meeting went forth quite well. Many good ideas came out (not just from me! :D) and good decisions were made. But somewhere, my mind remained agitated. When dinner was served, I hated my lasagna (I thought it was over baked). I thought - "maybe it was a bad idea to bake. I should let others be 100% hosts without trying to butt in while trying so hard to help!" Once again the heavens must have wanted to laugh, so they decided to add some more spice into my burning heart. Meera started wailing uncontrollably. My husband immediately got very worried and told me that he was "never going to do this again!" I was shocked into silence. But my mind kept chattering - "I am an overbearing person overall! As a mom, volunteer, wife,
everything!"

We left in a rush. By the time we reached home, I decided to let all my frustration out on my hubby dear. I told him that it was unfair that he had reacted that way to Meera's crying. The decision to go was ours not just mine and babies do tend to cry every now and then! He agreed and apologised immediately and said very simply - I was stressed! I could't help but accept that - it was an honest and simple statement. Since I couldn't take my frustration out following that line of talk, my troubled mind started complaining about the evening's discussions. We had not discussed so many things on the "agenda!" So my husband said - "Well, you should have reminded us." I said, "well, I didnt remember everything." He said, "well, you should have written it out and taken a print." I said "Well, I did!" My hubby dear was now totally confused! "Well, then why didn't you take it out and give it to us?" So I started telling him my version of the entire evenings proceedings - how I thought that people were being sarcastic wet blankets and I didn't really want to contribute anything. He listened carefully and then laughed! He said, "you know, the first guy was just cracking jokes. He was just happy and joking about everything in a
good natured way." In my wise hubby's view, the host who asked me what they should discuss, was just being her sweet respectful self trying to include all the guests. He said "dont you think she was showing you respect? Perhaps because of all the work you had put in?" He continued "you do realise, right, that this is your ego that interpreted these innocent things in this way? And, it was your ego that prevented you from taking the "agenda" out! You should have rather added to the joke by saying, now the chairperson is here haha, and contributed 100% without worrying about what you thought they were thinking!"

The truth in what he was saying was immediately clear. I chose to cling to the negative interpretation that my mind cooked up in a state of stress (low prana). So the next day, I went back to being my enthusiastic self and started sending out emails and suggestions once again. Needless to say, everyone responded constructively and several more decisions (that couldn't be made due to shortage of time the previous evening), got made over emails.

At the same time, I also remembered another piece of Guruji's (more rare and deep) knowledge: An AoL teacher once complained to Guruji that he was getting too many negative thoughts and he didnt want them! Guruji said, just know that those thoughts are being given to you for a reason. In my short time as an AoL teacher I have realised the worth of negative thoughts (provided we are aware of them and want to do something about them, i.e. get rid of them!). They help identify some pattern in our minds and in our struggle to come out of them, we detach from the mundane and go deeper into silence, introspection and meditation. I realised several things from the negative thoughts that hit me that night - I realised once again, that my mind can cling to the negative in subtle ways. I realised also that I am indeed over enthusiastic sometimes, and in my enthusiasm, I forget that others too have enthusiasm and have great ideas to bring to the table. Finally, I realised the importance of innocence - innocence prevents us from reading too much into situations and helps us save our own enthusiasm to be creative and to participate despite any (real or mis-perceived) resistance. Innocence also lets us listen to and appreciate others' good ideas :)

So here's today's innocent recipe (open to interpretation! :D) for all my creative and loving friends - with special love and gratitude to my AoL Sangha. You bring me forward, you take me deeper! Thank you!

Multi Flovered Vegetarian Lasagna

Ingredients:

I packet Lasagna sheets (I used whole spelt wheat Lasagna)
250-350 grams grated cheese
6 tomatoes (or half a can of chopped tomatoes) - chopped or pureed
250 grams Pumpkin
250 grams Zucchini
400 grams Carrots
(and any other vegetables you like) - all chopped/sliced finely
300 grams kidney beans (soaked overnight and then pressure cooked)
1/2 inch ginger - grated
Salt, pepper and any non-Indian spices to taste (I used dried Italian herbs, oregano and paprika powder)
5 table spoons olive oil

Method

Take an oven suitable dish, strike a thin layer of olive oil (about one table spoon) all over the inside. Pre heat the oven to 180 degrees Celsius

Chop all the veges and put aside (I used a food processor to slice them really fine)
In a frying pan, heat 4 tablespoons of olive oil (you can use less if you are weight conscious, but this adds to the taste), put in the tomatoes and stir for a few mins. Now add all the spices and grated ginger. Stir again. Add all the veges and half a cup of the liquid from the cooked kidney beans. Mix well, place the lid on the pan and let it cook for about 10-12 mins (or till the veges are semi soft). Now, add the cooked kidney beans and another half cup of the liquid from the cooked kidney beans. Add salt and pepper to taste. Let cook for another 5-6 mins (with the lid closed). This is the filling.

Take 2-3 large serving spoons of just the liquid from the filling and pour into the baking dish. (This is important, if you dont do this, the lowest lasagna layer might not get cooked). Place one layer of lasagna sheets on top of the liquid (do not overlap, some distance between sheets is ok). Put a layer of the veges filling, then another layer of lasagna, then another layer of filling, then a layer of cheese. If there is still lots of filling left (it depends on the size of the baking dish), put another layer of lasagna sheets and on the very top, put the final layer of filling and cover with cheese on top (optional) - if you are allergic to cheese like me or are counting calories, you don't have to use cheese - it tastes just as good without it :D. Note: None of the Lasagna sheets should be on top or visible after you finish layering - Lasagna sheets need the liquid from the veges to get properly cooked. Therefore, dont worry if it looks too "liquidy" - the lasagna sheets will soak it all up!

Put into the over and bake for 30 mins or till the lasagna sheets are cooked (i.e. soft).

Serve immediately!

Demanding Love and Loving Demands

My mind just has not been able to let go of the question "Why do I love cooking?" In recent times, the question has transformed itself into various (related) shapes and sizes. For example, I noticed a few days ago that I don't love cooking ALL the time and I certainly don't love cooking all the time for everyone alike. So the new Avatar of the question bugging me has been why do I love cooking sometimes and why do I love cooking (more) for some people than for others?

In the beautiful book titled "Secrets of Relationships," Sri Sri gives us simple and practical tips for a successful, lasting relationship. One of the things he says, that has always stayed with me, is "Demands destroy love." It struck me recently that one of the reasons I love cooking for my hubby dear is that he never demands or even expects me to cook. He is, in fact, always excited when I cook and enjoys the food without expecting the next meal to be (as) good or even cooked at all (by me). I remembered that in the past, I've had guests who stayed a lot longer than expected. On top of it all, they expected me to cook all the time, three meals a day and didn't offer any help at all. By day 3, I was exhausted and their expectation that I cook (and also serve) all the time, got me sick of the whole thing, including them and I couldn't wait to get rid of the cooking and the guests! :P

But sometimes, some people have also enjoyed my demands (especially for food). I remember my grandmother (and my mother) who actually enjoy(ed) my (food) demands and cooked with even more love and enthusiasm if I had asked for a specific dish. It made me wonder - if I constantly stayed with my mom or grandmom, and constantly demanded things from them, would I have become a pain sooner or later (just like my uninvited long staying guests!)? I am not so sure... This is not really what I experience with my little baby for instance - she loudly demands food with all the power in her lungs several times a day. But I don't get sick of feeding her! (See below - Meera demanding food :)

It is said that all the Gods, enlightened masters and sages of the past and the present - Buddha, Jesus, Krishna, Guruji, the Dalai Lama etc. etc. are embodiments of unconditional love, patience and compassion. It is no wonder that nothing shook/shakes them from their center - no matter how bad/demanding the behavior of the people around them, they remain calm and composed and are therefore able to spread this calm to everyone around them (and lovingly teach the misbehaving lot how to behave better :D). Guruji, in his commentary on the Bhankti sutras, compares a mother's unconditional love to Bhakti (devotion) - the highest form of unconditional love. (The difference is that the divine loves everyone the way the mom loves only her child :D)

Until such time as we can reach that level of unconditional love for existence and start loving all demands, it is perhaps good to not demand love (or anything else :D)

Today's recipe (on demand from several of my dear friends :D)

Eggless Chocolate Almond Cake

Ingredients
2 cups spelt or whole wheat flour
2 cups white flour
1.5 cups sugar or sucanat
5 tablespoons butter
1 cup cream
1/2 cup silken tofu (called seiden tofu in Germany) - optional (it makes the cake softer and more moist, but can be avoided if not available)
1/2 cup oil
1.5 cup apple juice
2 tsp baking powder
1/4 tsp baking soda
1/2 tsp salt
2/3 cup coco powder
2/3 cup almond pulp (left over from the almond milk recipe)
1 tsp vanilla essence

Method

Pre-heat oven to 175 degrees Celsius

In a mixer, mix the sugar, cream, butter, tofu, oil and almond pulp really well - till it is a smooth liquidy mix
In a separate bowl, mix all other (dry) ingredients (flour, baking soda, baking powder, salt and coco powder) - make sure there are no lumps of coco powder or baking powder/soda.
Put the dry ingredient mix into the sugar/fat mix and blend till its a smooth and paste like mix. Add the apple juice and mix again. The end result should be a slightly thick liquid that is a difficult to pour. (If it is too dry or too thick, add more apple juice or milk.) In the end, add the vanilla essence.
Brush a thin layer of oil or butter in an oven suitable cake pan (9 x 13 inch). Transfer the cake batter into the pan and immediately place in the pre-heated oven. Bake for 35-40 mins or till a toothpick inserted into the middle of the pan comes out clean.

Concepts, Learning and Taking Risks

On the first day of the Art of Living course, the teacher spoke about three types of listening. I wont describe them here (in case some of the readers haven't done the course, I dont want to spoil their surprise for when they do do the course :D) but one thing that stayed with me from the discussion was that in order to learn something new, we have, to a large extent, to let go of previously constructed concepts. Put in a different way, in order to gain a new experience or insight (for example, in the kitchen), one has to be willing to experiment and take "risks". Taking risks entails going against what is popularly considered the "normal" or even "correct" way of being or of doing things. It also means that one is ready to face criticism for ending up with something that is at best "not as per expectations" or at worse, a complete disaster.

In an attempt to follow a Satvik Ayurvedic diet (which is supposed to, inter alia, support better health and deeper meditations), I stopped using onions and garlic in my cooking several years ago. (I always hated garlic, so it was not much of a sacrifice :P) Many of my family members and guests however love garlic (and onion). While I was doing my teacher training course in Bangalore in 2004, someone mentioned that in order to get a garlicy flavor, (without using garlic) one has to mix hing (asafoetida) and grated ginger. I imagined immediately that this might indeed taste at least a bit like garlic. This was 7 years ago. I never mustered up the courage to actually try this because most of my family dislikes either asafoetida or ginger or both.

Just a couple of week ago, I was making hummus for my sister and mom (who were visiting from India) and for my husband (all of them love hummus and love garlic). As many of you may know, garlic is an important ingredient of hummus. I was considering whether or not to use garlic, when I remembered this combination I'd heard of long ago. For several minutes, I hesitated... should I or should I not try it? My sis hates ginger and my hubby dislikes asafoetida... Finally, I remembered my last post (of being too worried about consequences and praise) and decided to go ahead and take the risk :)

Indeed, the hummus tasted pretty good (not exactly the same I must admit, but it was much better than it tasted when I didnt use garlic and as a bonus for me who hates garlic, it tasted a lot better than "normal" hummus.) What made me really happy however was that my sister didnt notice (or atleast didnt complain about) the ginger and my husband didnt notice the asafoetida (till I told him :D) and they both enjoyed the hummus as usual :) What ever be the consequences, at least I wont look back at my life and regret not trying to see how the hummus would have tasted if I had used hing and ginger as a substitute for garlic. :D

I've been thinking about my resistance to trying new things and taking risks a lot these past few days... It is such a wonder to me that I don't challenge my own concepts of what will work and what wont (i.e. I should challenge them at least from time to time if not all the time!) Imagine if all the great scientists of the world refused to go beyond the accepted norms of what is possible and what is not. How would the frontiers of science ever expand? Indeed, it is by thinking different from the ordinary and challenging the "norms" and accepted limits of science that scientists like Einstein were able to expand human understanding of so many of the secrets of science.

I've heard large successful corporations take many risks and incur several losses in the process. But one experiment going right is often enough to make good all the losses from failed experiments. I've even heard people say that failures (following an experiment or taking a risk) are actually successes in disguise... others more commonly also say that failures are stepping stones to success. Why then are we (or atleast why am I) so afraid of taking risks and trying new things?

So here's to taking risks, being open to new (unknown) things and enjoying the consequences!

PS: I still feel that if I can hit the correct proportion (by trial and error), I can indeed make the combination of ginger and hing taste like garlic - will keep you posted! In the mean time, if any of my readers have any experience with this, please let us know!

Todays risky recipe: Homemade Hummus without Garlic :D

Ingredients:
1.5 cups chickpeas (Kabuli chana) - soaked overnight or even for 24 hours
Juice of 1 large lemon
3 tablespoons tahini (sesame paste)
1/2 cup olive oil
1/2 inch piece grated ginger
1/4 tsp asafoetida (Hing powder)
Salt to taste
1/3 cup water (you can use less or more depending on how thick you like your hummus to be)

Method:
Pressure cook the chickpeas till they are really soft. Drain off all the excess water (leaving aside 1/3 or more cup to be used if the hummus is too thick after adding in all the other ingredients)

In a food processor or powerful blender, make a paste of the cooked chickpeas. Add all the other ingredients and once again, blend till a smooth paste is formed. Add the water (if needed) to make it thinner or to reach the desired consistency.