Innocence and Interpretations

If I were to look at you and say, "hey! You have beautiful eyes, such wonderful hair and oh, the most beautiful nose I have ever seen... but what happened with your chin? It looks a little crooked!" When you go back home and look in the mirror, the first thing you will look at is - of course - your chin! No attention might go to the hair, eyes or nose :) Right? Similarly, if one were to say to someone "I love you," the response (if not out lond, then in the mind) might often be "really?" but if one were to go to another and say "I hate you!" no one in their "right" mind would ask "really?" This is (another) one the first things I heard in the Art of Living - one of the several insights into the way the human mind is. It tends to cling to the negative. We often readily believe the worse and negative things (about people for example) and ignore or disbelieve the good or positive. (We do this also with ourselves - we doubt our abilities but never doubt our (perceived) inabilities!) This happens a lot more when we have low prana (energy). This simple piece of knowledge from Sri Sri has (among several other pieces of knowledge), always intrigued me. In my short life so far, I have also experienced the truth in, and nuances of, this knowledge through various experiences, brought to me with love by the universe. :) Also very recently in a party-meeting organised by some of my dearest friends in Munich.

We were supposed to discuss the schedule and various other things for the Munich Art of Living Yoga Oase during this party. Having recently discovered that the several stones that were found in my gallbladder a few months ago had miraculously disappeared, and I didn't need surgery, I was really excited to attend this party-meeting (which I would otherwise have had to miss, and instead be in the hospital post-op). As happens when one feels happy and grateful, I had a surge of energy and bundles of ideas which I wanted to implement or discuss asap. So I wrote out several emails to my friends (the other AoL teachers and volunteers in Munich who were coming to the meeting) and also prepared a detailed "agenda" for the meeting, logically laying down all the things that people had mentioned in various emails as "needing discussion" and even designing a "follow up action" page within this agenda. As I said, I was very excited :D (and looking forward to make several "important" contributions to the meeting.)

As the day progressed, my enthusiasm grew more and I even decided to make an elaborate lasagna for the party so that my host friend could have some help. Come evening, I half made the lasagna (we were running late and I thought I'll just use the oven in the host's house to bake it), got everything I had planned for the meeting together (prints of the agenda, my laptop with various draft plans etc. etc.), and piled into the car with my husband and baby hoping to reach the party on time!

As soon as we reached the party however, things started going slightly different from my plan. Meera woke up and started crying really loudly (she wanted her dinner and her own bed). The others were already there so my now using our host's oven to bake the lasagna was going to delay everyone's dinner, my husband (the sensitive soul that he is), started getting stressed seeing Meera's discomfort and thanks to all the chaos, the start of the discussions was getting delayed. With each unexpected "catastrophe," my prana level came down another notch.

Perhaps for a good hearty long lasting laugh (at my expense of course), the heavens decided to torment my already tormented mind a little more: I was busy trying to get my sweet angel baby to go to sleep when I heard one of the guests (another good friend) say "where is our chairperson?" Another one said "you mean Mrinalini? She is feeding the baby." My mind being in the state that it was, got highly agitated and immediately started interpreting the conversation in the worse possible way: "They are being sarcastic and making fun of me! Maybe I was a little (too) enthusiastic and in the process killed everyone else's enthusiasm?" To add some more spice to my boiling mind, the host (a really sweet and innocent person if you ask for my honest opinion on days that I am more centered) peeked into the room where I was and asked very sweetly "What would you like us to discuss?" My mind and heart, were, by this time, nothing short of devastated. After calmly responding "What ever you guys want to", I (mentally) dove right back into the negative thoughts chain: "So what
if I was a little (too) enthusiastic? Why do they have to be such wet blankets? I was only trying to be helpful. None of them were organised enough to make a proper agenda, so why beat up poor me for doing the secretarial work? I should just focus on my PhD and not get involved with people who don't really need my enthusiasm...." and so went my mind on and on and on.

Finally, I decided to put a break to the negative thought chain and take a deep breath. Immediately, I remembered a short piece of knowledge that Sri Sri had shared during a recent satsang: A person had asked a questions which in substance was as follows: "Guruji, I have many creative ideas, but I don't know if I should implement them because I am not sure if they will be successful." Guruji said: "You know, when you deliver a baby, there are labour pains. You cannot say that you want to have a baby, but don't want the labour pains. So if you want to implement an idea, be willing to go through some resistance." Remembering this piece of knowledge, I sprang out of the room fully willing to face all sarcastic comments but putting forth my ideas anyways. But there was still some resistance in me. I was hesitant and a voice in me also said... dont push too much, they will not like it. So I decided not to get the beautifully organised "agenda sheet" and lap top out of my bag and instead just go with the flow.

The meeting went forth quite well. Many good ideas came out (not just from me! :D) and good decisions were made. But somewhere, my mind remained agitated. When dinner was served, I hated my lasagna (I thought it was over baked). I thought - "maybe it was a bad idea to bake. I should let others be 100% hosts without trying to butt in while trying so hard to help!" Once again the heavens must have wanted to laugh, so they decided to add some more spice into my burning heart. Meera started wailing uncontrollably. My husband immediately got very worried and told me that he was "never going to do this again!" I was shocked into silence. But my mind kept chattering - "I am an overbearing person overall! As a mom, volunteer, wife,
everything!"

We left in a rush. By the time we reached home, I decided to let all my frustration out on my hubby dear. I told him that it was unfair that he had reacted that way to Meera's crying. The decision to go was ours not just mine and babies do tend to cry every now and then! He agreed and apologised immediately and said very simply - I was stressed! I could't help but accept that - it was an honest and simple statement. Since I couldn't take my frustration out following that line of talk, my troubled mind started complaining about the evening's discussions. We had not discussed so many things on the "agenda!" So my husband said - "Well, you should have reminded us." I said, "well, I didnt remember everything." He said, "well, you should have written it out and taken a print." I said "Well, I did!" My hubby dear was now totally confused! "Well, then why didn't you take it out and give it to us?" So I started telling him my version of the entire evenings proceedings - how I thought that people were being sarcastic wet blankets and I didn't really want to contribute anything. He listened carefully and then laughed! He said, "you know, the first guy was just cracking jokes. He was just happy and joking about everything in a
good natured way." In my wise hubby's view, the host who asked me what they should discuss, was just being her sweet respectful self trying to include all the guests. He said "dont you think she was showing you respect? Perhaps because of all the work you had put in?" He continued "you do realise, right, that this is your ego that interpreted these innocent things in this way? And, it was your ego that prevented you from taking the "agenda" out! You should have rather added to the joke by saying, now the chairperson is here haha, and contributed 100% without worrying about what you thought they were thinking!"

The truth in what he was saying was immediately clear. I chose to cling to the negative interpretation that my mind cooked up in a state of stress (low prana). So the next day, I went back to being my enthusiastic self and started sending out emails and suggestions once again. Needless to say, everyone responded constructively and several more decisions (that couldn't be made due to shortage of time the previous evening), got made over emails.

At the same time, I also remembered another piece of Guruji's (more rare and deep) knowledge: An AoL teacher once complained to Guruji that he was getting too many negative thoughts and he didnt want them! Guruji said, just know that those thoughts are being given to you for a reason. In my short time as an AoL teacher I have realised the worth of negative thoughts (provided we are aware of them and want to do something about them, i.e. get rid of them!). They help identify some pattern in our minds and in our struggle to come out of them, we detach from the mundane and go deeper into silence, introspection and meditation. I realised several things from the negative thoughts that hit me that night - I realised once again, that my mind can cling to the negative in subtle ways. I realised also that I am indeed over enthusiastic sometimes, and in my enthusiasm, I forget that others too have enthusiasm and have great ideas to bring to the table. Finally, I realised the importance of innocence - innocence prevents us from reading too much into situations and helps us save our own enthusiasm to be creative and to participate despite any (real or mis-perceived) resistance. Innocence also lets us listen to and appreciate others' good ideas :)

So here's today's innocent recipe (open to interpretation! :D) for all my creative and loving friends - with special love and gratitude to my AoL Sangha. You bring me forward, you take me deeper! Thank you!

Multi Flovered Vegetarian Lasagna

Ingredients:

I packet Lasagna sheets (I used whole spelt wheat Lasagna)
250-350 grams grated cheese
6 tomatoes (or half a can of chopped tomatoes) - chopped or pureed
250 grams Pumpkin
250 grams Zucchini
400 grams Carrots
(and any other vegetables you like) - all chopped/sliced finely
300 grams kidney beans (soaked overnight and then pressure cooked)
1/2 inch ginger - grated
Salt, pepper and any non-Indian spices to taste (I used dried Italian herbs, oregano and paprika powder)
5 table spoons olive oil

Method

Take an oven suitable dish, strike a thin layer of olive oil (about one table spoon) all over the inside. Pre heat the oven to 180 degrees Celsius

Chop all the veges and put aside (I used a food processor to slice them really fine)
In a frying pan, heat 4 tablespoons of olive oil (you can use less if you are weight conscious, but this adds to the taste), put in the tomatoes and stir for a few mins. Now add all the spices and grated ginger. Stir again. Add all the veges and half a cup of the liquid from the cooked kidney beans. Mix well, place the lid on the pan and let it cook for about 10-12 mins (or till the veges are semi soft). Now, add the cooked kidney beans and another half cup of the liquid from the cooked kidney beans. Add salt and pepper to taste. Let cook for another 5-6 mins (with the lid closed). This is the filling.

Take 2-3 large serving spoons of just the liquid from the filling and pour into the baking dish. (This is important, if you dont do this, the lowest lasagna layer might not get cooked). Place one layer of lasagna sheets on top of the liquid (do not overlap, some distance between sheets is ok). Put a layer of the veges filling, then another layer of lasagna, then another layer of filling, then a layer of cheese. If there is still lots of filling left (it depends on the size of the baking dish), put another layer of lasagna sheets and on the very top, put the final layer of filling and cover with cheese on top (optional) - if you are allergic to cheese like me or are counting calories, you don't have to use cheese - it tastes just as good without it :D. Note: None of the Lasagna sheets should be on top or visible after you finish layering - Lasagna sheets need the liquid from the veges to get properly cooked. Therefore, dont worry if it looks too "liquidy" - the lasagna sheets will soak it all up!

Put into the over and bake for 30 mins or till the lasagna sheets are cooked (i.e. soft).

Serve immediately!