Choosing Joy over Comfort

Every midwife knows
that not until a mother’s womb
softens from the pain of labour
will a way unfold
and the infant find that opening to be born.
Oh friend!
There is treasure in your heart,
it is heavy with child.
Listen.
All the awakened ones,
like trusted midwives are saying,
'welcome this pain.
It opens the dark passage of Grace.
--- Rumi

I loved the above poem from Rumi (a 13th century Sufi saint and poet) and it struck something deep inside me when I read it recently. I could relate to what Rumi says here immediately. I shared one of my personal experiences with such a pain before (here). Today I share another one...

I was in New York from 2006 to 2008 looking for a job, preparing for the New York Bar exam, working part time as a secretary for the Art of Living center in NY and (of course) teaching Art of Living courses in a number of schools. One fine morning, as I sat in the Art of Living office, answering emails, the then co-ordinator of Art of Living's Youth Programs, Annelies, came and sat in the office with me. She started telling me about how she and another teacher, Narsciso, had started teaching a course to at-risk youth in a detention center in NY city. She was saying that the 15 or so kids there, very prone to violence and bad temper and all using all kinds of narcotic substances, were the most challenging group that she had ever taught. She and Narciso did not know exactly how to deal with the group. As I sat listening to her, a suggestion came out of my mouth (I say "it came out" because it came not from intelligent thinking, but as a flash from somewhere!) : "why don't you split up the group? Start with one group and if there is a student or a few students that start disrupting the class, send them to another room where another teacher or one of you can teach them separately. You can tell them that if they want to be re-integrated with the rest of the group, they have to listen well in this class, do the breathing and then in the next class they will be re-united."

Annelies liked the suggestion but said that she and Narciso both needed to be in the room with the other kids as it was impossible for a single teacher to teach them. She then looked at me and said, "Would you like to come with us to help?" My first thought was "no way! I have no experience teaching at-risk youth. They would all be totally out of control if I try to teach them!" But Annelies's smile somehow made me give the exact opposite response: "ok! I guess I can come along... When?"

So the details were given to me and on the designated day, I got up, got ready and left for the given address. As I came closer to the detention center however, something inside me started screaming "no no no... I cant do this! What if they hate me? What if I disrupt the whole session even more? What if this... that... blah blah blah" my mind was chattering endlessly and the extreme pain of intense resistance gripped my entire mind and being. Despite the resistance, I followed the mantra that I use all the time in life: "feelings change all the time, so follow your commitments, not your feelings!"

When I reached the detention center and met Annelies and Narciso at the entrance, as expected, my feelings had already started changing... a sudden confidence and smile had come over me. I marched in, with my heart full of joy and mind completely blank. We reached the group and Annelies asked three of the most naughty disruptive students to go to another room. They were immediately furious. "NO! We want to be with everyone else!" But Annelies didn't budge and with the help of the detention center authorities, the three kids were escorted to a different room already prepared for this purpose. Now Annelies turned to me and said "Why don't you go ahead and teach those three kids and Narciso and I will continue with the other kids." I was shocked! Why me? I was the least experienced of the three teachers there and the three kids were the most disruptive kids of the class!!!

Very half-heartedly, I went with heavy steps, prepared for the worst 1.5 hours of my life, to the other room. I sat down with the kids and looked at them. They were very angry and were yelling repeatedly that they want to be with the rest of the group. Looking at their behavior, once again, a sudden calm came over me. I said "we will for sure bring you back with the other kids but you must first do the breathing as I instruct you, giving your 100%." The kids agreed immediately. I lead them through their first ever Sudarshan Kriya and the results, as expected were amazing. When they opened their eyes after the breathing, they were visibly calmer and yet, quite happy. They no more demanded that they be taken to the other group. I had been wondering the day before whether at risk kids would even have the attention span needed to listed to the beautiful stories that are part of the YES course. Now, as they sat there, calm and happy, a story from Indian history came to me- how India had won its independence from the British without any violence. The kids were listening in rapt attention. "Winning a war without any violence! Wow! Who was this Gandhi guy? How did he do it? Was he a magician?" :D The 1.5 hrs were already over (it seemed like it had been just 10 mins since the start of the class!) I told them that I would come back a few days later and that since they had learned the breathing so well, they would be joining the rest of the group for sure the next time. They were thrilled. So was I :)

We taught these wonderful kids, all hailing from broken families, living in at risk environments full of gang violence and substance abuse, for several months. Their experiences and the transformation we observed in them during this time was incredible, no doubt. But the greatest transformation happened within me. Each time, before entering the class and often during it, my fears and their reactions caused me deep anguish and pain. But the mantra of following my commitment (rather than my feelings) and the memory of the joy I felt when I saw the smiles on their otherwise stressed and angry faces, made me keep going back, ready to face any discomfort... and experience ever greater joy!

Today's joyful (and comfortable!) recipe:

Eggless (almost vegan) Whole Grain Pancakes (I got the best, yummy, fluffy pancakes ever :) - even tastier than the normal ones and a lot healthier!)

Ingredients

1 cup whole grain spelt flour (Vollkorn Dinkel Mehl)
1/3 cup whole grain rice flour (Vollkorn Reis Mehl)
2 tablespoons white flour (weizen mehl)
1/3 tsp salt
2 level tablespoons Sucanat (or whole brown sugar - powdered well if possible)
1/2 tsp Cinnamon Powder
1 tsp baking powder (Backpulver)
1/3 tsp baking soda (Natron)
1.25 cups rice milk or soy milk (I guess normal milk should also work fine!)
1 tablespoon silken tofu (Seiden tofu) - Optional (not needed if using soy or normal milk)
1 tablespoon Olive Oil
2 Tablespoons melted butter (optional)

Method

In a mixer, blend the silken tofu and the rice/soy milk - beat up really well so the tofu mixes completely in. Set aside.

In a separate bowl, mix all the dry ingredients (spelt, rice and white flour, salt, cinnamon, sugar, baking powder and baking soda). Add the Olive oil and the rice milk-tofu mix. Mix with a gentle hand using a wooden spatula till all the ingredients are well mixed with no flour clots. Add the melted butter (while it is still warm and liquid!) and stir lightly again till well mixed. (I got the idea of adding melted butter from here - I usually make these pancakes vegan, but I guess the melted butter does something, because this time, the pancakes turned out even better, softer and fluffier than before!)

The batter should not be too liquidy - but must still be pourable.

Heat a (non-stick) pan on medium heat, pour in 1/2 tablespoon of oilive oil and spread it around the pan. Pour a ladle full of pancake batter (do not spread out too thin onto the pan - keep it a little thick so it can be fluffy, but not so thick that it remains uncooked). Once bubbles start forming (and you see the corners turning a light brown), you know that the pancakes are ready to flip. Cook till both sides are a golden brown or a not too dark brown.

Serve immediately with marmalade, maple syrup, fresh cut fruits, chocolate spread or any way that you'd like to :)