"Stay with the Pinch, not with the Guilt!"

At the end of each yoga class that I teach, I read a knowledge sheet from one of Sri Sri's books titled Celebrating Silence. The page that came up recently was titled "mistakes." Sri Sri says "It is hard not to see your own mistake. Outwardly, you may justify yourself or try to prove your innocence to someone else, but a mistake pricks the conscience. Do not justify yourself. Instead, feel the prick of the mistake. That very pinch will take you out of the mistake. The pinch will not let the mistake happen again. Live with the pinch, not the guilt." This is one of my favorite knowledge sheets and as I read it out in my yoga class, I remembered fondly the first time this knowledge came alive in my life. I share with you all, this very personal story:

My uncle (Dad's youngest brother) is, by profession, a biotechnologist and an entrepreneur (rare combination in India!) - he has his own biotech research company (and is also a great cook!) In addition to these admirable qualities, another quality I admire in him a great deal is his willingness and readiness to help any and everyone - at any time and ALL the time! Amazingly, his feeling of belongingness with people is so strong that he also feels no hesitation in asking for help when he needs it - another admirable quality in my opinion, as my ego interferes way too often with my asking for help (until its too late!)

On one such occasion (when I was in my early 20s and had just started teaching the Art of Living's Youth Empowerment Seminar (YES)), my dear uncle asked for my help in modifying and improving the language of a project that he was writing for his company. This was, of course, a huge compliment to me, (had I had the maturity to realise it back then) because it suggested that he trusted and liked my language skills. Being a restless young adult however, I found this request rather annoying and very half-heartedly sat down next to the computer with him to edit the document in question. From the get go, I got irritated at the smallest mistake I found in the document. Rather impolitely, I also made this irritation very obvious! Uncle was patient for a long time... he kept listening to me and agreeing with all my suggestions without commenting at all on my behavior. Finally, after several rude noises and complaints had already come out of me, and the barrage of irritated expressions were becoming more frequent, my uncle suddenly exploded! He yelled "I don't need your help, you can leave! You think this work will not happen without your inputs? You talk great spiritual wisdom and constantly talk about how seva (service) and Karma Yoga are so important to you, yet you can't do this one small thing for your family without grumbling so rudely?"

I was shocked! Immediately, my mistake was clear to me! I could feel the pangs of deep guilt jolt through my entire being! For a moment, I was too shocked to speak! Finally, in a small voice, I said "sorry uncle, you are right. I will do the work now. Please let me." My uncle, the gracious soul that he is, immediate accepted the apology and sat back down in the chair. We resumed the work and completed it cheerfully!

While I was doing the work though (after the explosion that set my brains right), I was very aware of the discomfort that was inside my mind and body. I was also immediately reminded of Sri Sri's knowledge on mistakes (which I taught to my YES students all the time!) - "stay with the pinch, not with the guilt." The feeling of guilt was arising in my mind with several associated thoughts. "How could I behave so badly?" "I wish I had not done that!" At the same time, I felt an intense pinch (physical discomfort) at the level of my body - my throat, chest, head - they all felt this strong PINCH! "Applying" the knowledge, the best way I could imagine how, I kept taking my mind away from the guilty thoughts to the pinch I felt in my body. As I observed this pinch, it somehow seemed to intensify and become clearer... The thoughts associated with guilt started fading into the background somewhere and my mind focused more and more on just the physical discomfort. "Oh God!" I thought, "I never want to feel this kind of pinch EVER again!" From that day on, without any effort, I never felt irritated on receiving any work given to me by my uncle (or any other family member I think!?). Perhaps because at a very sub-conscious level, I never wanted to feel that pinch again! :)

Over the years I've noticed that when I go on a guilt trip, I learn nothing. Because one cannot blame oneself for too long - the guilt eventually turns into blame leveled at the other... and when this happens, it is the end of my learning from the mistake. Sri Sri's knowledge sheet on mistakes has several other beautiful suggestions and useful observations - and I have had the good fortune of being able to use these several times in my life so far!!! More stories coming soon... :)

Today's guilt free recipe: Dal Tadka

Ingredients (for 4 to 6 servings)

2 cups yellow mung beans - washed well and soaked in 5 times the quantity of water for 3-4 hours
4 tablespoons cooking oil
15-20 fresh curry leaves - chopped into 2 or 3 pieces each
2 tomatoes - chopped
1.5 inch piece of fresh ginger - grated
1.5 tsp cumin seeds
1/3 or 1/2 tsp red chili powder (or 1 or 2 green chilies - chopped)
1 tsp turmeric powder (curcuma)
1.5 tsp coriander powder
1/4 tsp Hing (Asafoetida) powder
7-8 Fresh coriander leaves to garnish
Salt to taste

Method

Drain the water from the pre-soaked mung beans and add fresh water upto about half inch above the level of the lentils. Cook in the pressure cooker for 3 whistles or if you have the type of pressure cookers we have in Germany, keep for 5-6 minutes on the flame and then let the pressure release at its own speed. In short, cook till the lentils are soft! (If you don't have a pressure cooker, you can soak the mung beans overnight, use twice the quantity of water, and slow cook in a closed vessel - this will take about 20-30 minutes once the water comes to a boil).

Once the lentils are cooked, add the ginger and salt to it and set aside in a closed container.

In a small frying pan or tadka pan, warm up the oil. Add the cumin seeds. Once the seeds start sizzling a bit (do not burn them!) add all the spice powders (and the green chilies). Stir on low heat for 20-30 seconds. Add the curry leaves and stir again for 15-20 seconds. Add the chopped tomatoes, stir, and let cook covered for 2-3 minutes (or till the tomatoes are soft). Transfer the entire spice mix into the lentils, stir quickly to let the aroma spread throughout the lentils. Garnish with fresh coriander leaves and serve immediately with fresh Basmati rice, lemon rice or Rotis :)