The first meeting...

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(Image from here)
In the great Indian epic, Mahabharata, Arjuna, the warrior Prince, had four wives. His first wife, Draupadi, was also married to Arjuna's four brothers and was the only wife who lived in the Royal Palace of Hastinapur (and later, in the Royal Palace of Indraprasth). The only wife, that is, until Subhadra came along.

Arjuna had won a next to impossible challenge to win Draupadi's hand in marriage: shooting an arrow into a revolving fish-statue's eye while looking only at its reflection in a bowl of water. For this reason, despite being married to all 5 Pandava brothers, it was Arjuna who Draupadi was most attached to (and perhaps most possessive of). 

Subhadra was Lord Krishna's younger (and favorite) sister, and was in love with Arjuna. When Arjuna visited Krishna in his Palace, he met Subhadra and also immediately fell in love with her. He asked for her hand in marriage. Subhadra's family agreed, but Krishna warned Arjuna that he needs to beware of Draupadi's wrath while taking Subhadra with him to the Royal Palace. Krishna also said: "the journey is not yours Arjuna, the journey is Subhadra's."

As predicted by Krishna, when Arjuna reached the royal palace and Draupadi, the welcome was not warm. Draupadi ordered him out her chambers in rage. Arjuna was perplexed. He did not know what to do. Subhadra, in all her innocence, kept pestering Arjuna - "I want to meet my 'elder sister' (Draupadi) - when will you take me to her?" Arjuna was afraid - he did not want Draupadi to insult Subhadra. Nor could he keep them apart for ever. 

Because of stressful political circumstances, Krishna had been raised in hiding in a small village named Gokul, by cow heards, milkmen and milkmaids (Gopis and Gopas). Krishna is, therefore, often depicted as standing next to a cow, playing a flute, wearing ordinary clothes of a milkman, with a peacock's feather as his crown. Remembering Draupadi's devotion to Krishna, Krishna's history and his parting words ("the journey is not yours, it is Subhadra's"), Arjuna asked Subhadra to dress up as a simple milkmaid and go on her own to Draupadi's chamber to seek a meeting with her. 

When Subhadra arrived at Draupadi's chamber, she did not enter immediately. Instead she sent a message via Draupadi's hand maiden saying: "Subhadra, younger sister of Krishna, prays for permission to meet Queen Draupadi". On hearing these words of introduction, Draupadi scolded the handmaiden - why didnt you introduce her as "Queen Subhadra?" The handmaiden said that she was instructed to give this specific introduction. Draupadi then asked the handmaiden to let Subhadra in. 

Subhadra entered in the attire of a simple milkmaid and touched Draupadi's feet for her blessings: "I, Subhadra, younger sister of Krishna, seek your blessings, and a place at your feet, oh Queen and elder sister (didi) Draupadi." Draupadi's angry heart melted immediately at this innocent expression of love and respect. She said, "Your place is not at my feet, my dear sister, it is in my arms. I warmly welcome you into our palace and into my heart." 

This story moved me as a child. It depected how unconditional love, innocence and humility can win over the hardest heart and break the hardest ego-shells. Today, this story came to me as a long lost old friend came to visit. 

It has now been almost four years since my divorce. My old friend had come, together with her own daughter, to pick my daughter up; my daughter was going to spend the week with her dad's family. When she arrived and called from the car, I asked my daughter to invite them up for a cup of tea and a slice of banana bread before driving of (my old friend's daughter loves banana bread!). I was half expecting an excuse of "its too late, we need to leave immediately." But she accepted, parked the car and rang our doorbell. 

I didn't know how awkward or uncomfortably silent our "first meeting" at my home after the divorce would be. My daugher opened the door and stood in between us. As we looked at each other, frozen momentarily in our spots, my old friends said: "I was scared. I am still scared. But Meera invited me to come up..." 

I could not help smiling: "Oh! Just come on in!" I said.  

She ran in and we hugged - she in tears and me, the apparently "braver" one, not showing any emotion (as usual), but with a huge lump in my throat. As we hugged, she said: "I am so sorry!" I said, "its over, its OK" The response was: "Thank you! You are so big!" 

At this moment, the words that came out of me were "You too are big!" It needed so much (more) courage to accept my invitation and then admit to being afraid. It was her innocent act, and her honest words, expressing a sincere and undisguised human emotion, that had broken the thin sheet of ice (ego) that was still left over my heart. 

In life, big and small events leave a mark or wound in us - but no matter how deep or painful the wound is, it only takes one moment of unconditional love, a sincere and spontaneous expression, to heal it. It is not a question of forgiving. It is about realizing that, at the end of the day, we are all human and we all feel the same emotions. Some are just better actors than others, and need a little time, a nudge, a sincere human touch, to drop the act of "bravery" and reconnect with our hearts. 

We only need to keep our windows open. When its time for the sun to come out from behind the clouds, it will fill our homes with light, and with love, once again.  

 

Today's simple heartfelt recipe: Easy Rasam (Indian spiced tomato soup)

Rasam is a traditional recipe from south India. It consists primarily of tomatoes, with just a dash of lentils. It is perfect for the winter months, keeping our hearts and tummies warm, helping in the digestion process. Here is a very simple recipe to make authentic Rasam from scratch at home :) 

 Rasam Powder: Ingredients 

Rasam Powder is a key ingredient of Rasam and any authentic south Indian housewife or cook will refuse to share her secret Rasam powder recipe with you (or wont disclose the secret ingredient) :D Since it takes some time to prepare, I suggest making a small jar full in one go. 

60 grams Indian cumin seeds 

25 grams pepper corns (less if you dont want it spicy)

20 grams brown fenugreek seeds (Methi seeds) 

4-5 dried red chillies (optional - avoid if you prefer non spicy Rasam, but at least 1-2 are recommended for the winter time) 

Method (Rasam Powder): 

Fenugreek seeds are a tricky spice. They turn bitter really fast if over roasted. So start with fenugreek (and red chillies). Heat a frying pan to medium heat and then add the fenugreek seeds (and red chillies). Keep stirring with a wooden spatula/spoon till the fenugreek seeds are just one shade more brown (like a deep golden). Now add the cumin seeds and peppercorns and keep dry roasting on medium heat, while stirring lightly with a wooden spatula, till the spices release their aroma (you will smell it for sure!). Now, remove from heat and transfer immediately to a dry bowl. Let cool for 15-20 minutes (till spices are at room temperature). Put all the spices into a dry grinder and grind all spices to a fine powder. Transfer to a clean, dry, jar that can be closed tightly. You can store this powder for 6-8 months (or longer, if your jar is air tight), without it losing much flavor and aroma. 

Rasam: Ingredients (for 3-4 people)

1/4 cup yellow lentils (e.g. Mung), soaked overnight and well cooked (easy to mash with fingers)

6 medium sized tomatoes - cut into large cubes 

1 inch piece of ginger (skin removed)

1 cup water + 1 cup water

1 tbs coconut oil (or, if you prefer, ghee/clarified butter. Normal cooking oil is also OK)

1 tsp black mustard seeds 

1 tsp coriander powder 

1/4 tsp Hing (asafoetida) powder 

1 tsp turmeric (Kurkuma) powder

1/2 green chillie (optional) - thinly slices 

10-12 fresh or dry curry leaves 

1 tbs chopped fresh corinader

Salt to taste

 

Method: Easy Rasam

Puree the tomatoes and ginger together with 1 cup water in a high speed blender, till totally smooth. Put aside.

Heat a frying pan till it is at medium heat. Add the oil/ghee. Once the oil is warm, add the black mustard seeds and wait till they start spluttering (they will change their colour to grey and let out a wonderful aroma). Reduce the heat/flame to low and add the coriander powder, Hing, and Turmeric powder. Stir for 10-12 seconds. Add the green chillies and curry leaves and stor again for 15-20 seconds. To this mix, add the pureed tomato ginger mix. Increase the heat/flame to medium-high and cook with the lid on (covered) for 7-10 minutes. Add the lentils, salt and one more cup of water. Let cook on high heat with the lid on for another 5-6 minutes. Add the fresh chopped coriander as a garnish just before serving. 

Serve hot with white rice or millets.