When a heart breaks, it becomes divine…

Several years ago, I read the book “God loves fun” by Sri Sri Ravi Shankar. It was, at that time, an unusual read for a young restless law student like me. Nevertheless, one line from it touched my heart deeply while leaving my intellect completely confused… “When a bud breaks, it becomes a flower. When a heart breaks, it becomes divine.” How can a broken heart become divine?

The last two years have been a series of unbelievable and incredibly painful experiences for me – a broken personal relationship with a wonderful and caring person that had lasted over 7 years, a bitterly broken professional relationship with a person who has been my most trusted mentor for over 9 years, friendships turned into distrust before they could even mature, shocked numbness at being groundlessly blamed by those I thought to be my closest friends and family, newer relationships seeped in deep gratitude and respect, but with uncertain futures, incredible fears that my daughter would be taken away from me… the list is endless, but all leading to one thing – a severely and repeatedly broken heart.

With this broken heart, first came an unending river of tears, then a barrage of bitterness, a phase of utter delusion, followed by a completely shattered confidence and a feeling of endless dejection and worthlessness. Indeed, I can understand now, the intensity of feelings that could be responsible for driving people to suicide. I lost faith and confidence, not only in myself, but also in society as a whole.

If there was one thing that kept me going forward through this whole time was my daily yoga and meditation practice and the support and comfort I drew from the knowledge and wisdom given by truly enlightened souls like Sri Sri Ravi Shankar. Indeed, I recognized and experienced at a new level, the true value of this ancient but ever fresh knowledge and practices. And so, I persevered.

After several years, I took quality time out for my daughter and myself. We travelled far and wide, to Singapore, Bali, India, USA – to many spiritual sojourns, meditation and yoga workshops, temples and churches, talks on ancient wisdom (especially the Vignan Bhairav series – “Unveiling Infinity”). After each trip, those who had a small idea of what I was going through told me that I look lesser and lesser stunned and more and more happy. Indeed, I also felt that way, slowly but surely. Yet, every now and then, the old memories would come up with incredible strength and take over my entire consciousness. But the nature of the pain had shifted – from being a victim, I felt like the aggressor. I felt deep and intense pain that I too had unknowingly hurt many people, including those I loved most. And so, I persevered.

I dug deeper into my soul and my being, spent more quality time in meditation and contemplated on what it was that drove me and what was the purpose of my life. A brand new set of heartfelt feelings started to emerge – a prayer that everyone on this Earth be happy. That those I felt had wronged me, not feel guilty or hurt – that they too find peace and happiness within themselves. These feelings were so intense sometimes, that I could hardly contain their energy within me. With a fully broken heart, for the first time in my life, an incredible softness was dawning in my being. A true vulnerability that I sometimes fought hard to resist. I was not sure if I was fully open to everything that life wanted to bring to me – especially the pain and the heartbreak. But somehow, I had the energy and the will to persevere. To see what lay at the other end of the tunnel that life had brought me to.

Thanks to some wonderful friends, I got into new hobbies – blockchain and astrology – strange combination, yes! With these new hobbies, I gained a lot of new wisdom and knowledge… and also lost a lot of money!  These together also brought me to newer levels of understanding of human and spiritual existence: every human being and indeed every event was here to help us grow. Everyone is simply playing a role that even they themselves don’t know they are playing, and in the process, bringing to me, at every step, an opportunity to choose love and compassion over anger and frustration. To use every opportunity to be patient, while also having the willingness to put 100% and more to what I believe in.

What I struggled with most, however, was my shattered confidence in myself. From being the bundle of (over)confidence, enthusiasm, energy and dynamism that I prided myself to be, I became an overly cautious person that I couldn’t recognize or come to terms with. I was thinking 10+ times before taking any action, was constantly afraid of hurting others and myself, unsure and afraid that an “insensitive” or “untimely” action would unfold another tsunami of grief, misery, fear and uncertainty. But a thin ray of light was starting to emerge in the dark tunnel – a new interest in life, a new set of research ideas, a new found interest in contributing to the world and to bringing the most marginalized segments of global society into the mainstream and helping the poorest in the world recognize their true strength and potential. In my lowest time, my commitment to my spiritual practices served me with the strength and love to forge forward with my biggest dreams. In this time, I conceived several research projects, one of which was so large (much larger perhaps, even than my own life), that I felt it had to be the purpose I was born to serve in this lifetime.

I faced several rounds of rejection, disinterest and ridicule. After most of the time available to write a funding application to get the research and innovation action rolling was over, finally, one by one, partner after partner, expert after expert, support after support, that was necessary to conduct the mammoth research project I had conceived of, starting joining the vision. I was amazed and humbled by the strength of commitment that this incredible consortium showed towards compiling the research plan and grant application. In a record 4 weeks, with some partners joining just one week before the application deadline, we compiled an application for funding for what is most certainly the world’s most complex and demanding funding agency.

After several nights of little to no sleep, no food, one-pointed attention to this one goal, with an aching and shaking body, and a truly helpless mind, as I pressed the “send” button on the application website, I felt a few moments of complete and total stillness. The exhaustion lead to several more rounds of uncontrollable tears – of pain, of anxiety, but also, of gratitude. My faith in people and society was returning. Peace, and a willingness to face the uncertainty that is an inevitable part of life, replaced the unnatural blanket of “confidence” that I usually wrapped around myself.

My broken heart had given me a glimpse of infinity, a glimpse of being connected to the ONE and to all. It had given me a glimpse of me.

Today's heartfelt recipe: Summer Rolls

These are my daughter's favorite - she can eat them day in and day out, every day!

Ingredients:

Large sized summer roll rice papers - these are a little different from the rice paper available for fried spring rolls(available in any Asian store and in several Indian stores

Ingredients

Cook lightly:
1 Tbs coconut oil or regular cooking oil
3 medium sized carrots - chopped into long thin slices (not too long!)
250 grams of firm Tofu - cut into cubes
2 spring onions - cut into rounds.

Beat up in a blender:
1/3 cup coconut milk (optional)
1 handful of Peanuts
1/2 inch ginger - grated
2 Tbs soya sauce
2 tbs sweet chillie sauce

Seperately serve in individual bowls:
2 large handfuls of sprouts (any of your liking or mixed)
1 buschel of fresh coriander leaves - washed and thick stems removed
1 buschel of fresh mint leaves - washed and thick stems removed
1 cucumber - cut into very thin long slices
150 grams of rice noodles - well cooked

Dipping sauce
Sweet chillie sauce
OR
Beat up in a high speed blender- 1/2 cup of coconut milk, 1 handful of peanuts, 4 tbs of sweet chillie sauce, salt to taste and 1/2 inch fresh ginger. Cook on low heat for 2 minutes. Serve in a separate bowl.

Summer roll rice papers - 10

Method

Heat the coconut oil in a non stick pan and addthe tofu - fry till light brown, add the spring onions, saute for 2 minutes, add the carrots and fry for 2-3 minutes. Beat up the coconut milk, peanuts, ginger, soy sauce and sweet chillie sauce in the high speed blender. Pour the mix into the fried carrot, spring onion and tofu mix - cook for 4-5 minutes. Set aside.

Serve out all the other ingredients in separate bowls.

Take a large bowl and fill it with warm water. Take a rice paper and dip it into the warm water - all of the rice paper must soak in the water for 5-7 seconds. Take the wet rice paper and place it on a plate. Put in the cooked carrot-tofu mix, add a little bit of all other ingredients (a few pieces of cucumber, a few leaves of coriander and mint, some noodles...) now roll the paper from one end to make a summer roll with all ingredients wrapped in. Serve with the dipping sauce on the side. Enjoy!

Love Bytes: Short Poems

Sri Sri, in his book, "God Loves Fun", says, "When a bud breaks, it becomes a flower. When a heart breaks it becomes divine." I think in the last one and a half years, my heart not only broken, but got shattered to several thousands bits. As I went through the bitter sweet struggles to gather the pieces, I felt that my heart opened up like - the pain, the longing, the bliss, the beauty, the fear, the anger, the acceptance, the quest to find meaning, for something higher - all intensified like never before. I was missing from my blog as there were, for once in my life, no words left inside me. As I slowly emerge from the darkness within me, and move towards that gentle glimpse of light, the words return. Not in the form of long stories, but in the form of short ones. And in the form of some form of poetry. After much hesitation, I decided to share these here on my blog as well. Togehter with the segment titled "Bytes of Insight" (which I started last week), through this new segment titled "Love Bytes" I hope to write more frequently again. Please do bless this space with your comments, likes and shares. Love and Peace.

The Light of Longing

"Keep your eyes fixed only on me, oh foolish one!" said He, "for I am the beauty in the beautiful, the charm in the charming, the intelligence in the brilliant ones, the perfection in everything. Don't move your eyes (sight) an inch away from me!" Said I in response: "Where are you my beloved? I long to be one with you… to be freed from this non-real duality. My eyes search only for you – as I walk into my office, as I walk through the aisles of the grocery store, as I enter the stillness of my home, as I smile back at the stranger on the tram, in meditation and in music, in love and in laughter, in arguments and in fights – you are what I long for, only you... "

Bytes of Insight

Today, I am starting a new segment in my blog: Bytes of Insight. Many a times, life brings a new realization (an "A-ho"moment) - perhaps it is knowledge (finally) turning into actual wisdom! I usually post these insignts only on Facebook. But will now also post them here for those who are not on my Facebook feed. Do leave me a note and let me know how you like these. And do also add your own insights/knowledge in the comments.

ANGER FACTS (A Retake)

Vishwamitra was an accomplished saint and was close to enlightenment so very many times - his one hurdle, repeatedly, was his own short temper. He would meditate and gain merit, and in one instance of boiling rage, shout and curse and come crashing down to square one. After noticing this repeatedly, he finally let go of his anger and after intense tapasya, attained enlightenment. His rage may have done the world (or some people) a great deal of good, but harmed him considerably many times. I guess it was, at the end of the day, all as per the divine plan. As Gurudev says, we are all souls working to help each other grow towards our higher purpose and our higher selves. It is strange that over the last few years, I have experienced the worse of my own bad temper (before that, I always thought myself to be rather mild!). What ever impact it may or may not have had on others, it certainly took a terrible toll on my health and on my relationships. As I spend another (happily) sleepless night in introspection, I feel grateful (again) for all the experiences life has brought to me to make me let go of this temper that had unknowingly taken root in me. Some bursts still occur - but the frequency, intensity and length of time for which they last have decreased so considerably! I can take no credit for this - I only watch in wonder and amazement - the rise and fall of the Gunas. Thank you Gurudev for this wonderful knowledge of the Gunas during your recent commentaries on Chapter 14 of the Bhagvad Gita. I feel like listening to you over and over again!

Bytes of Insight: Quick Cure for Cold and Sore Throat

200 grams of fresh turmeric (Kurkuma)
75 grams of fresh ginger (Ingwer)

Juice the turmeric and ginger (do not add any water). Add 1 large tablespoon of raw honey.

Drink two tablespoons twice a day for 2 days (morning-evening).

For best results, drink this as soon as you feel the earliest sign of cold/sore throat.

Remembering Ramanujam - the Man Who Knew Infinity

I have always been fascinated by the life and work of the great Indian Mathematician - Srinivasa Ramanujan. For my European friends who might not be familiar with his work, I recommend the wikipedia page and the movie "The Man Who Knew Infinity" - which provides a pretty accurate, and, in part, moving account of his life in India and then in UK, Cambridge.

What stands out in the life of Ramanujam is not (only) the fact that he, before the age of 32, had already compiled more than 3900 mathematical results, most of which have now been proved true, but the fact that these results were not a result of hard work or long hours of rational thinking. They were, in the words of Ramanujam, "the word of God." When his mentor in Cambridge, G.H Hardy, asked Ramanujam how he reaches these results, Ramanujam said simply - "they come to me." In reality, the results and theorems were revealed to him as flashes during states of deep meditative prayer. Ramanujam had no mind for proofs - his mentor, G.H Hardy, as well as other peers at Cambridge, had no mind for "flashes" - they wanted and needed proof.

I first heard of Ramanujam when I was about 10 or 12 years old - my parents took us to watch a play about his life. It was a particularly bad play - but a scene from it that remains with me even today, is the scene of Ramanujam seated in front of the statue of the Devi, first begging her to reveal the secrets of the Universe to him and then falling into a deep state of meditation. From the midst of this meditative, deeply blissful state, Ramanujam sprang up and scribbled notes on the floor right in front of the statue. The scene left a deep impression on me. Later, I also saw a TV series on his life - from which, I only remember the scene of his death - during which time also, he was "downloading" information directly from the vast consciousness, that in Hindu traditions is known as Devi (mother goddess) or Divinity.

It is often difficult for one who has experienced even a small taste of these "flashes" to engage constructively with those who are pre-occupied with proofs and logic. It is like a struggle between the left and right side of the brain. A strained interaction between the head and the heart. Undoubtedly, to survive in the world we need both - Ramanujams and Hardys.

As an acedemic in the Western world, I have come to understand, and even get a tiny glimpse of Ramanujam's struggle with the Western academia a little bit better. I have often struggled to explain to my academic "seniors" why I am 100% certain that a certain course of research will lead to fantastic results if pursued. I have been fortunate - I have met my own GH Hardy's who have permitted me to play my own tune, while also teaching me the rigours of Western logic and systems of proof. What I have struggled with even more, however, is trying to explain to them why and how meditation can help them more than it helps me. They have a fantastically trained logical mind. If coupled with meditation, they would surpass any Ramanujam and any Hardy of the present or past. But my longing to have these brilliant minds experience a moment of the "flashes", going beyond the "logical", is in actuality, not merely a longing to bring meditation into their lives. It is a longing to bring the great traditions of the world closer together in harmony, in mutual respect, in sincerety - so that each can be enriched by the other. It is a longing to unite the head and the heart. A longing for oneness.

Pasta, Pesto and Permaculture

Today is a speacial day for the Spiritual Cooking blog! We have our very first Guest Post! And that too, from a senior and wonderfully talented Art of Living teacher from the US - Nancie DiSilverio. Here she not only shares with us her fantabulous vegan pesto recipe, but sends us a wonderful post on Permaculture. So read on and enjoy! (Photo: Nancie and others)

Pasta, Pesto and Permaculture
by Nancie DiSilverio

Last week a friend of mine sent out a desperate plea for a homemade pasta dinner. Under regular circumstances that’s an easy, minor task for me as a second generation Italian American (on my father’s side). But my current residence is anything but regular: I am currently residing in the Soudhamini Apartments, in Udayapura, a small village on the edge of tech famous Bangalore City, in South India. The Soudhamini Apts are adjunct living spaces to another famous place in Bangalore: the Art of Living International Center, the main hub of international operations for His Holiness Sri Sri Ravi Shankar. Recognized as one of India’s most powerful and influential citizens, Sri Sri doesn't stop at power and influence- seemingly impossible for one man, his impact is recognized on things as diverse as: cutting edge impacts in the world of yogic technique (his Sudarshan Kriya is lauded by science, saints and practitioners alike as a game changing stress buster); global peace building (he has been cited by both sides as instrumental in brokering the deal between Columbia’s Government and the FARC rebels working to end that decades long civil war); childhood and continuing education (up to the college level with theSri Sri College of Ayurvedic Science and Research, and Sri Sri University in Orissa), and organic agricultural research and policy development (the Center has more than 17 active organic research farms, and this blog’s host has just produced a doctoral thesis in Law as pertains to seed varieties rooted in his philosophy). I guess not surprisingly, he’s also a master of inspiring others and an amazing team leader!!

BUT back to dinner. The first challenge to a great pasta dinner here on the edges of rural India, is finding the necessary ingredients. A trip to the grocery store can be an hours long affair, with multiple stops, especially to find the core ingredients like pasta and basil. Luckily, I had picked up a few bags of pasta, olive oil and some tomatoes the day before. But I really wanted either some zucchini or some basil to complete the sauce. Come on, I thought, with 17 farms around here, basil cant be too hard to find. And so my search began.

My first stop was the hydroponic gardens where a good size kitchen’s worth of basil was found growing in PV piping, with the assist of an engineered water system, without any soil at all. But there was no one around to authorize my harvest, and I didn't want to just help my self, in case it was already promised elsewhere. Next, I went on a wildcraft hunt, and right out behind the large meditation hall, known as Yagyashala, there was, as I had been advised by a friend, some beautiful basil growing wild, but it was the Thai variety of basil, and not the sweet basil I was looking for, so my search continued.

I swung by another set of gardens outside the Center’s Vishala Cafe, an awesome place that is a regular haven for the Internationals and locals alike, serving not only both North and South Indian staples (dosa, idli, parathas, rice, dahl, subzi,) but great pastas and pizzas complete with two of their own homemade brick pizza ovens, and a bakery with some of the best healthy desserts anywhere in the world. The pastry chef, PD, is an artist, constantly exploring new ways to make our sweet teeth less hard on our sensitive, meditating, yoga practicing bodies. A hero among humans! But still no sweet basil in their beds either: tomatoes, papayas, pumpkins, lemons, but no basil!

But those beds reminded me of my old friend Swami Brahmatej. Besides being a thoroughly charming and knowledgable guide on the path of yoga, not just yoga asanas or postures, but the art of bringing the mind to rest in peace in the present moment, he is also a “gentlemen farmer”, and oversees much of the agricultural enterprise around the International Center. He would know where to find the elusive sweet basil!

“Oh, we’ll get the basil from the Permaculture Center (PCC),” he said brightly, when I had explained my mission, “You know where Permaculture is?” It quickly became apparent that I didn't have a prayer of finding it, so Swamiji’s cook, Nandish, summoned Binay, the head of the Permaculture Center, who arrived in a few minutes to take me out to there.

If you’re like me, you may already have heard of permaculture, and even seen or worked in permaculture spaces, without knowing too much about it. Basically it is the ultimate Green philosophy for creating spaces to live. It consists of three things: an ethical approach, an understanding of Nature and how it works, and a design approach, all of which are combined to create sustainable, agriculturally productive, non-polluting and healthy places, be it a garden, a development or a whole city. The word permaculture comes from “permanent agriculture”-ie sustainable, and “permanent culture” as in lasting civilization. The purpose of permaculture is to inspire us to live more lightly on the Planet and more harmoniously with Nature. (This is lifted lightly, or heavily actually, from www.permaculture.org.uk where you can learn more about permaculture, and its roots and shoots.)

Of course, at Sri Sri’s Center permaculture would find a home. From ending the use of plastic shopping bags long before it was popular, to river restorations, to tree planting and training rural farmers in organic methodology, Sri Sri has long championed environmental consciousness. “Nature nurtures us,” he has said, “and its important that we take care of it. A healthy future for our coming generations depends on how we care for our environment in the present.” He also encourages us all to eat a balanced, healthy diet because “our food influences our mind. A properly balanced diet has a positive impact on our emotions, and thereby on our consciousness.”

Again back to dinner, and the basil hunt…

Nestled in the back of everything, on a couple acres of a sand and rock hillock, the PCC is a wonder of a farm! Here you’ll find not only plenty of basil for making a fresh vegan pesto (recipe below), but the sweetest cherry tomatoes, half a dozen varieties of India gourds, many suspended from handmade bamboo lattice works, to maximize growth and space. These included loki, and pumpkin, and even a bottle gourd plant climbing a small mango tree. Sadly, it was already past mango season, but the passion fruits, (Swamiji lovingly referred to them as “The fruit of my passion”) were perfect: sweet, sour, juicy and runny, with seeds adding the perfect crunch. Bindhi, otherwise known to English speaking audiences as Ocra or Ladyfinger, was at the end of its harvest too but it was a novelty to see how they grow, one by one shooting off their long tall stalks. And of course, it’s all organic.

But the most amazing thing about this bounty, is the soil, or rather the lack of it, in which these foods are all grown. As mentioned above, the PC Center lies is on a rocky, sandy hillside, so the natural soil is not great for growing much of anything. But using principles of permaculture the team has created beds out of waste vegetation, layered with cardboard, and topped with less than 5 cm of top soil. The beds are fertilized with an ancient organic recipe based out of cow urine and dung, that is lovingly nurtured through a fermentation process that includes dumping a couple handfuls of earthworm rich soil into it in the end, that apparently multiplies the worms by the thousands in a matter of days. The name of it is Jivamrit, or elixir of souls, referring one guesses to the rapid multiplication of the worms, and I am sure millions of bacteria and other nutrients beneficial to what little soil there is. Binay, besides taking hours out to show me around the place and sending me home with pockets full of basil, and a tummy full of passion fruit (note: bring a shopping bag if you visit!), is on a mission to inspire city dwellers. He assured me you could create such beds on your rooftop, or balconies, growing your own fresh food even in our high rise cities around the world! See right - the beds!

Another ancient farming technique, Agni Hotra, is also a regular practice on the farm. Cow dung from a particular Indian breed of cow, is burnt in a small copper pot shaped as an inverted pyramid, while chanting special sanskrit sutras (or threads, meaning “threads” of knowledge) and once the ceremony is complete, the ash from this practice is also thrown onto the beds and mixed into the soil. This practice has also been shown scientifically to provide healthy nutrients to the soil as well as having a purifying impact on the atmosphere. (For more on Agni Hotra: www.homatherapie.de)

The PCC also is an active training center for the practices of Permaculture. They offer training classes to organic farmers and lay people alike, that include not only how to make their soil-less beds, but also how to work to create effective rain water harvesting to maximize rainfall as a water resource, and many other aspects of a permaculture farming. Another very cool aspect of the farm, is the training center itself: it’s styled after a Mongolian round yurt made entirely of ingredients found on site including: bamboo framing, a thatched frond ceiling, and about 4 inches of a red mud blend that hangs on the frame. Built by Binay and 3 other guys in under three weeks, it’s 30m in diameter and can seat roughly 70 trainees. The hut keeps a stable temperature with a variance of roughly 4 degrees in the peek of summer. The interior is set up as a classroom complete with red mud tiered seating so all students can see. Its quite an impressive structure built with no architect, contractor or experienced builder.

The large handfuls of basil I harvested from the farm, were turned into the vegan pesto below-as pasta for four with sautéed tomatoes, toasted almonds and a couple heaping tablespoons of this pesto (per plate). This recipe was first developed for a meditating friend with gluten and dairy allergies, so its pretty non-traditional with no cheese, or even garlic. But the first time I served it to my dubious siblings (our Grandfather was an immigrant from the rich farming areas of Abruzzi, Italy), and even they praised the final product, I knew I had a winner. Its great on pasta or as a spread on toast with a bit of feta or avocado, or as a non-spicy chutney to add a little moisture to anything needing a dip. I also have been known to mix it into a rice dish with some sautéed tomatoes and zucchini stirred in, topped with some goat cheese and raisins. I hope you enjoy it too!

Nancie Di’s “New Fangled” Pesto

Ingredients

1/2 cup of soaked walnuts (cashews and almonds will also work but I usually toast the almonds and leave the cashews raw, soaking preferred)

2 cups of basil (this is a slightly packed measure)

1/4-1/2 cup of olive oil (depends on your blender and your taste; less makes a drier pesto)

1 t lemon juice

1/2 -1 pitted date (more if needed; these can also be soaked if you wish-but I don’t)

1/2 t salt

1/2 t cumin powder (optional)

1/2 t corriander powder (optional)


Method

First, soak your walnuts. This can be done the night before, if you've planned; but I often just soak them for about 15-30min while I am cleaning the basil, or doing other prep work, like putting water to boil for pasta or putting on rice.

Then, clean the basil thoroughly. Pick the leaves off the stems, and rinse in a bowl of water. Often basil grows in sandy dirt, if the whole stems of plants have been pulled out of the ground, the leaves collect sand. If your basil is like this, you have to soak it repeatedly, 3-4 times and rinse-there is nothing worse than sandy pesto, so not short cuts on the washing, however tedious plucking and soaking may seem. After all that work, you want a delicious finished product, and short cutting here wont cut it. If your basil has already been well cleaned by your merchant, no problem, but be sure to check for sand and rinse until there is basically none in your rinse water.

In a good blender (raised blade preferred here) or a food processor, blend the basil, olive oil, and lemon juice. This will be a bit liquidy, oily and not yet resemble pesto. Don't worry.

Add the walnuts and blend until smooth. Now it should be looking a bit more like your idea of pesto.

Add the date. Start with half the date. I have used medjool and daglit but pretty much they are the same once you get proportions correct-the secret is between the lemon juice, the dates, the salt and the relative sweetness of the basil.

Add the remaining spices and taste. The cumin and coriander are on the sweet side of taste to the tongue but also replace the garlic. But I have made it without one or the other and its fine.

Balance spices to your taste. If its too lemony add, more date or corriander/cumin. If too sweet, use a little more lemon (by the drops as opposed to teaspoons) or salt.

There is this moment where it all comes together and you say, “Yeah! YUM!” and thats when you stop.

Scoop it out of your blender and serve. You can also refrigerate it (it’ll keep a couple of weeks at least-I usually eat it long before it can go bad) or use as a spread or chutney straight from the fridge. I also use it in salad dressings as a flavor base (a tablespoon or so) with oil oil and balsamic vinegar for a quick basil dressing.

Buon Appetito!

Attraction on the Spiritual Path

The creation is full of charming, beautiful objects and individuals. Everything in creation, in nature, is a gift to us from the divine - it is there for us to appreciate and enjoy. The problem arises, when we want to own or possess. Because the reality is that once we possess, the thing possessed soon loses its charm and we are attracted to something or someone else. This is a potentially never ending cycle and I have often wondered about the nature and tendency of our minds to be attracted to things and people even after we already have such beauties of creation within our homes and hearts. Recently, listening to the story of a close friend going through a separation, this topic and the wonder came back to me.

In his commentaries on the Bhakti Sutras, Sri Sri says, if there is anything in this world that is charming, I (Krishna) am the charm. Elsewhere he says, your non-attachment to the mundane is your beauty, your attachment to the divine is your charm. Combining these two statements together, I was not completely surpized when my teacher at the end of the Art of Living teacher training course (way back in 2004) said: "beware, your students might appear to fall in love with you. It is not you they are in love with - it is the charm and grace of the knowledge, of the enlightened Master that they experience radiating through you. You can respect their love, because it is actually love for the highest knoweldge." Indeed, I have had several students express deep love and admiration for me and I have always reminded them and myself that what they are drawn to is the knowledge and the grace and wisdom of the Master - and these alone are worth pursuing (and being in love with). At the same time, when ever I have felt attracted towards the charm and grace of an Art of Living teacher, this knowledge has kept me centered.

I wanted to share with you all, however, an early experience of mine with this beautiful and true knowledge. Despite knowing that what I love about all Art of Living teachers is, essentially, the grace and wisdom of the enlightened Master that radiates through them, there is no escaping the fact that I have been drawn to several wonderful teachers on the path. In the early years, when I had been with this knowledge only a few years, I remember being utterly in love with one extremely handsome, young, charming (but, unfortunately, not single) teacher from whose lips, Sri Sri's knowledge flowed like the cool holy water of the Ganges. Whose smile was radiant like Krishna himself and whose eyes were full of mischief, love and wisdom (a deadly combination) - just like Sri Sri's. Can a young girl help but fall in love? Yet, the intellectual 'knowing' that what I was drawn to was nothing but the highest knowledge and wisdom, made me push away the loving feeling that arose in my heart each time I laid my eyes on this charming instrument of the Divine. Lets call him Mr. Krishna :) I was particularly upset that I was attracted to someone who was already in a committed relationship.

Soon after, I heard about the Guru Mandala - the matrix of sorts that exists around the elightened (or around the gate to enlightenment) that keeps us entanlged and away from reaching the enlightened. The Mandala, for example, might have very horrible, nasty people in it who put us off and keep us away from our center (or from the spiritual path itself), or it might have very attractive charming people - in whose charm, again, we remain trapped, and thus remain away from our own nature, which is enlighenment. This partial knowledge about the Guru Mandala shook me - being in love with an Art of Living teacher was like being trapped in the Guru Mandala! OMG I told myself - shake out of it immediately. I started wishing even more strongly to be out of trap of the Mandala so I could keep my mind one tracked on enlightenment, or in the short term, at least more focussed on my work (that was suffering dearly as a result of my love struck state of mind) :) It helped for a few days - but the next time I laid my eyes on Mr. Krishna, all the resistance vanished and I was once again helplessly in love. Yet, I fought with this feeling and tried hard to throw it out of my mind and heart, not least because I felt deeply guilty 'wanting' someone who was in a relationship with another. "I have work to do - I have places to be and things to acheive in my life - this is no time to be in love," I told myself - but to no avail. Later that week, as I continued to fight with my feelings and even went to the extent of avoiding seeing Mr. Krishna, I heard a bit of knowledge from Sri Sri - I dont remember all of it (as usual), but this small bit hit me hard and stayed - "if you are in love with someone, that love is a gift to you."

I was shocked. How can this crazy one sided love be a gift? I asked myself - "I know this piece of knowledge is for me - but how am I to use it in the current situation? I need to work hard on several projects and dont need this distraction of being in love - if I consider this to be a gift, how will I get out of being in love with the wrong guy and get my work done??" Nevertheless, I let it go. I went about my day as usual, but with some kind of new lightness in my heart. I stopped fighting with the feeling of love that arose in my heart when I saw or thought about Mr. Krishna. The next morning, as I walked out of my home to get to work, there was a smile on my face and in my heart - and a new wisdom dawned - It is impossible to not feel this love and it is futile to try and fight with it in our intellects. If we are on the spiritual path, being drawn to teachers who give the highest knowledge of the enlightened is as natural and inevitable as being drawn to the knowledge and to the enlightened Master himself - in fact, it is indeed a gift, because not everyone is attracted to the spiritual path and to the practical, beautiful wisdom it brings into our lives. The only thing we can do is know that it is inevitable and accept it - then the feverish tendency of the mind to want to possess the beauty it perceives, dissolves, and leaves us with an innocent feeling of gratitude - and a love devoid of desires and fantacies. The uncomfortable grip of attraction that I was in, had vanished - all that remained was a gentle feeling of gratitude and beauty - how wonderful Guruji, that the Divine has created people like Mr. Krishna who so gracefully and beautifully share your practical wisdome and knowledge with the world.

Flowing away with the maya(illusion) of the 'loving feeling' that arises in the face of one who is a (mere) instrument of the divine, or wanting to somehow 'possess' them, is problematic - not the love itself. The knowledge that what we are attracted to is not the person, but the wisdom, grace and knowledge that radiates through the person, is important because it keeps us focused on our commitments. But it is equally important to know tht being drawn to one who is an instrument of the divine is inevitable and is indeed a gift - ironically, this knowledge too keeps us away from the feverish grip of maya.

At the right time, I was attracted to and fell in love with the right person (my hubby), the love and attraction was not one sided, and has led to a relationship that helps each of us grow and walk further on the journey called life and on the beautiful path, called the spiritual path - keeping all our (other) commitments intact. Because, as Sri Sri says, commitment indicates a mature mind and only a mature, centered mind can reach its goal.

Todays irresistable, attractive, and committed recipe:

Vegan Banana Blueberry Waffles

Ingredients

Dry Ingredients:
2 Cups whole wheat spelt (Dinkel) flour
1 Tbs Corn Flour / Corn Starch
1 Tsp baking powder
1/2 tsp Baking soda
1 pinch salt
1/2 tsp vanilla powder

Wet Ingredients
1/2 Banana
1 TBs Whole Brown sugar
1 TBs sugar
3 Tbs coconut oil
1 TBs chia seeds (soaked in 100 ml water for 10 minutes)
1 pinch salt
1/2 cup rice or soy milk or almond milk
1 TBs almond butter
1 cup blueberries


Method

Mix all the dry ingredients. Set aside. Mix all the wet ingredients (Other than blueberries) in a high speed blender. Pour wet ingredients into the dry ones and mix well. Add the blueberries and mix again. Warm a waffle iron and follow the instructions to make waffles in it. Serve with maple syrup/honey, fresh cut fruits and vegan whipped cream.

Your Presence is Enough...

Soon after I completed my LL.M. program in the US, I was offered an incredible internship at one of the largest corporations in New York. I was on a high - with bubbling energy, confidence and enthusiasm. A couple of weeks before I was due to start my internship, Emily, an Art of Living teacher who I had come to know and love dearly, asked if I would like to come and help the International Association for Human Values (IAHV) organize and conduct trauma relief and stress management workshops in New Orleans (which had, at the time, just been hit by hurricane Katrina). After spending some time convincing my dad that this was THE thing to do before starting my internship, I packed my bags and immediately set off to New Orleans to help the wonderful volunteers of the IAHV. Needless to say, I felt hugely important for being asked to join them! :)

But surprise (or should I say a wave of dullness!) was in store for me. When I landed in New Orleans, and in the small house where the volunteers were living, I felt completely out of place! Not because the group was not welcoming - they were very warm and welcoming... but somehow, I was at a complete loss as to how I could contribute. Everyone else was the picture of dynamism and had an endless flow of ideas and energy. All I wanted to do was sleep - all the time! For a while I thought that this was because I was new to the place and they had perhaps been there for months. But this was not the case at all - almost everyone on the team had arrived in New Orleans over the course of the same week in which I had - some even arrived later!

I truly cannot explain how useless I felt amidst that group of people! Where was the bubbling energy, confidence and enthusiasm I felt just a few days ago? I was ready to conquer the whole world! And now..... :( The days dragged on... I felt like nothing but a piece of heavy baggage that the group had to drag along with them everywhere they went. I started wondering why Emily had invited me in the first place! I kept thinking "this group doesn't need me! They are complete and super powered in themselves!" I sat around trying to smile and pretend to be enthusiastic. But it was no use! I soon felt that the team could sense my lack of energy and utter uselessness!

Finally, the efforts of the team started bearing fruit - we found a venue and the first trauma relief workshop was organized to start the following evening. As we drove to the venue in the morning to help set it up, I fell asleep (as usual) in the car. When I woke up, I could see Emily looking at me out of the corner of her eye as she drove the car - her eyes full of love and compassion. I asked her "I don't know why I am feeling so sleepy and dull all the time! The energy of this place is so heavy (for me)!" Emily said in her loving way "yes, the city atmosphere is dull because its people are shocked and in low spirits." I didn't say anything at the time, but wondered - "why am I the only one seemingly consumed by this dull energy while the rest of the team seems untouched!?" Other thoughts started bombarding my dejected brain - "maybe I have been too far away from knowledge and this high energy group during the one year of my LL.M. I have lost that subtle Prana and Shakti that is needed to do this kind of service work!" Almost as if she was reading my thoughts, Emily said kindly, "don't worry - you will feel better after the workshop!"

Although I did feel my prana go up a trace after the first session of the workshop, the next morning, the dullness had returned with a big bang! Even after the long morning breathing and meditation (during which I felt I was only sleeping!) :P I felt dull and heavy and useless! One of the team members picked up Sri Sri's book titled "Celebrating Silence" at the end of our morning meditation and read a page selected randomly (as always). My dull brain could not understand most of the beautiful knowledge that was being read... But suddenly, close to the end of the knowledge sheet, a phrase that was read ever so softly, touched me deep in my heart: "...your presence is enough."

Don't ask me the context, for I don't remember. But tears started rolling out of my eyes. The sense of being useless lifted off my mind. I felt a rush of freshness and a true smile dawned in my heart. That day, I offered myself for all the small things that were going on - chopping vegetables, cooking and spicing the food for the volunteers, cleaning the house and the venue - just anything that I saw anyone else doing, I just offered to do it with them. During the second session of the workshop, I shared my own life experiences with enthusiasm. Just that one phrase had shifted something in me.

When it was time to go back to New York, I felt a lot lighter and happier. But my intellect still nagged a little - it was still hung on the question of whether or not my presence was really needed there... But my ego dared not ask. Several months later, however, when I met Emily again, I found the courage to share with her my feelings about my time in New Orleans. Emily listened to me patiently and said, "Mrinalini, you have no idea how inspiring it was for the team that a dynamic, successful young person who has her life in perfect order wanted to come and join the relief efforts even for a short time. Indeed your saying yes and actually coming there moved many things in our own minds." Indeed, I had heard that a large group of youth came to New Orleans after I left and stayed for several weeks to organize a large number of trauma relief and stress management workshops for the victims of Katrina as well as for groups that were volunteering their help in the region. Indeed, my presence had been enough! :)

It has now been almost 10 years since this episode. I never managed to locate the knowledge sheet from which this beautiful phrase was read... But it doesn't matter :) because every time I start wondering whether I am needed in any place; whether I am truly useful to any service project, when I start comparing my apparent skills and capacities with those of other volunteers, I remember this phrase. It is a privilege and an honor to even want to help out - it is said that even the desire to engage in service is part of our good karma. Once we have this wish, and once we have this opportunity, our presence is enough! :)

Today's 'Present' recipe

Chocolate-Date-CocoNUT laddoos

Ingredients


15-18 large Medjool dates (remove the skin and the seeds)
3 tablespoons raw unsweetened chocolate powder
3 tablespoons grated coconut (fresh or dry)
2-3 tablespoons crushed almonds and other nuts (not peanuts)

Method

Chop the dates into small pieces and place them in the large pan. Add all the other ingredients in knead till well mixed. Make small round balls and place on a beautiful tray. Serve immediately with hot ginger-lemon tea :)